To start off, this is my first blog post since March. I don’t know what happen, it’s like I had the worst writer block, but I’m working on a Life After College post to bring you (whoever you maybe, if anyone at all) up to date on my life.

 Now that is out the way lets start the show!

How to Lose Friends in 3 Easy Steps

Step 1: Be Open & Honest…

They say every great friendship (and relationship) is built on openness & honesty. Well those people are lairs, who do not have any friends.

Hint: Never take advice from a person if they start off by saying “They say…” Whatever they are about to tell you has absolutely no scientific backing or evidence that it has worked for ANYONE. They probably just heard it from a parent or a crappy self-help book.

When you start being open about your life, whether it’s your past or present, people tend to get a little judgmental. When “friends” start getting judgmental, they start forming untrue opinions about you and that’s the moment your friend falls apart.

Every real friendship is built on partial information & a pile of lies. You only tell people what you think they should know and what you think they want to hear.

Step 2: Communicate Often…

When you are friends with someone, you always want to know what’s going on in their lives. That may mean daily calls or text. Eventually all that contact will get annoying and if you have an open/honest friendship, it will get annoying fast.

You can’t talk everyday and tell each other the true constantly. That’s like putting a land mine under a chair and playing musical chairs. Eventually one of you is going to sit on it and explode.

That explosion is usually the worst. It’s where all your dirt and deep dark feelings about that person comes out. We all know how that ends!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Step 3: Be Yourself…

If there is one thing that people hate, it’s when people are themselves. Being you is dangerous. Not everyone is going to like your little quirks.

  • Maybe you eat food weird.
  • Maybe you don’t have an internal filter and just say what ever pops into your head.
  • Maybe you only wear boots.

What ever it is, some people will not like it and will try to stop you from being that person.

Most of the time that “hey could you not do that” speech is subtle but it will happen and if you don’t follow suit, you will be cut from the team.

I have seen more friendships end because people were themselves, than I have fingers and toes.

How to Keep Friends in 3 Easy Steps

 For those of you that want to keep your friends, here are the 3 steps to keeping your friends. Safe travels as you go through the world of friendships!!

Step 1: Tell people only what you want them to know & lie…a lot.

Every real friendship is built on partial information & a pile of lies. You only tell people what you think they should know and what you think they want to hear.

Examples:

  • Does this dress look good on me?
  • Truth: Oh god, NO.
  • Lie: Yes!
  • Did you call her back?
  • Truth: Yes
  • Lie: No, that’s your coworker.

Step 2: Communicate When Need Be…

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Plus seriously sometime you want your own space and trust me they want their space.

Example:

  • I’m going to call you right back. (Call back 3 days later)

Step 3: Be Yourself…

You may lie to your friends, you may not call back, but whenever you are around you are the same person they first meet. Never change yourself for anyone, no matter who he or she is, what he or she has or whom he or she knows. That may mean you lose a friend or two but that’s how the ball rolls.

I know I was suppose to give you 3 steps on how to keep friends, but seriously I can’t in good conscious tell a person to change themselves. If your “friends” don’t like it, they aren’t really your “friends”. Eventually you’ll find a friend that will like your pizza with ice cream eating self.